i-tsumoconnection

He has an artificial eye now! I pray he goes on to university, and contribute to china's economy 1 day!

Update on Seth:

House he lives in: 

House of Love

Birthday: 

August 11^th, 1995

Update:

His special need was a blind and deformed left eye that was removed so he could year an artificial eye.  (He prefers not to wear the artificial eye at this time).  He also has some developmental delay.  Since November of 2008 he has been on medicine for seizures and an abnormal EEG.  He has been doing well and we are following his medicine closely.

He is doing well otherwise and is seen happily going about helping others and at school.  He is a sweet boy who plays well with others and enjoys having visitors.

Praise God for the wonderful care and many opportunities Seth is getting at Shepherd’s Field.  It is sponsors like you that allow him to get such wonderful love and care!  God Bless You!

Galatians 6:9  So let’s not get tired of doing what is good.  At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Please contact Desiray Christen at desiray.christen@chinaorphans.org for questions or concerns about your sponsored child.

Inspired by these stories from the orphanage I began a relationship with since 2006, I can’t help but have an extra motivation to work harder to donate more to help these orphans.

Being a single, the biggest blessing I can give to this world is to donate my money to a more useful channel than splurging on a ‘L V’ bag…

I hate L V

Haha

‘Catch’ me, if you can:)

(my relationship with this orphanage started at the sametime I knew Sen, and Justin – and primarily, they are the people who inspired me to hang on to whatever I believed in, while I stumbled somehow, after leaving them, I now stand firm in what I believed in-

they will always be my directional angels

from afar

I do still miss them very much today

every day

when I wake up

before I sleep

a prayer, was always for them

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Beautiful clouds! - Hope, Peace, Love - I'll wait here, for you

过完整个夏天
忧伤并没有好一些
开车行驶在公路无际无边
有离开自己的感觉
唱不完一首歌
疲倦还剩下黑眼圈
感情的世界伤害在所难免
黄昏再美终要黑夜
依然记得从你口中说出再现坚决如铁
昏暗中有种烈日灼身的错觉
黄昏的地平线
划出一句离别
友谊 进入永夜
依然记得从你眼中滑落的泪伤心欲绝
混乱中有种热泪烧伤的错觉
黄昏的地平线
割断幸福喜悦
友谊 已经幻灭

Today is the 11th day of the  lunar new year, somehow, you’ll still hear people throw a greeting of

HAPPY NEW YEAR

新年快乐

With a weary body (of losing good sleep, late sleeps, mosquitoes battles, air problem…), I woke up like a zombie almost daily, for the last 6 months.

Going out of the house requires more effort than usual, and thoughts of wanting to emigrate surface a few times.

HAHA.

Where can you/I go to?

Done with a quick lunch that soothes my weary body, giving me energy (somehow, Justin’s voice came back to remind me that lunch is important; food – he often felt I ate too much bread, and bread alone would not give me good energy)

I thank him for those reminders

for since I left the school, I ate my lunch and dinner faithfully, even as alone, for I wana keep myself stronger to fight with him and her again

HAHA.

This song triggers 2 drops of tears (I wore make up today, so I disallow myself to cry; and crying too much will puff the eyes – as it is, I have more than enough dark rings:(

the tears flew because of something an old friend said:

‘how much impact some friends have left, yet you’ve lost touch’

也许，有一天，我会在那里和这些遗失的朋友一起

等待黑夜

静静守着 黄昏

黄昏

Sun sets

I love sun sets at the budget terminal big field

no traffic

no human noise

just God’s angelic voice

and comfortable arms

Big enough for you to stand in awe and enjoy his love

HIS love

Yeah:)

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I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They’re really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Days 4 & 5 linger between grey, blue and a tinge of orange

Grey for the pressures building in terms of work directions, financial, health

Blue for the missing-ness of a few good people who left my life

Orange for a little hope

Hope, is all around

It’s invisible

but it is the only force we should all hang on to

I’m so weary physically; with nightly battles fighting off mosquitoes, blocked airways, I can only pray for good night’s sleep continuously

and I still wake up thinking about my ex colleagues…..

for 844 days

………………………..

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18 – 19 Feb 2010

titled as 2nd and 3rd day after this year’s CNY holidays ended -

where Reality comes face to face with Faith.

What do I do when I do not wish to face Reality?

(and what will you do?)

I will just eat a green tea cake and drink a cup of latte.

-And talk to the sky; think about how interesting it gets when the clouds get obese and rain comes down-

Living vigorously on Faith, and striving to sleep earlier (before 1am), I believe many new refreshing experiences are awaiting me.

And many people are awaiting me for me to outreach to.

In my scrambling acceptance of who I was, who God was to me, and is still to me, I decide to hold on to HIS one and only mission for me in this life;

that my existence is not to achieve all the seemingly comfort that the world advocates; while the below agenda is IMPORTANT, it is not the entire meaning of life.

The AGENDA for earthly living:

1) Buy a new house for mom to live more comfortably

2) Provide financial support to Dad, sis (school fees partial)

3) Pay my bills…..(arghhh)

4) Buy facial healthcare products (HAHA- eczema…poor immune system…)

5) Save enough for old age

and where ranks my dreams 1.0? (to save the world)?….

HAHAHAHA

Looks like I have been sucked in by the world’s traps too so much so that I have given up my last 7 years of pursuit in making dreams come true.

What should I do?

If I did not hear wrongly, God is calling me to chase after his PASSION.

and HIS PASSION is;

to love him and his people

to obey his commands

meaning say farewell to my own style of decision making, kill bad habits, embrace changes as Jesus did

*the most difficult thing in life right now is still to overcome the sadness of losing strong team spirit gained in previous workplace – the school that gave me a new lease of life in the private education sector

the school who took my heart away

but I read that Jesus commands us to let go of such ‘grief’, to embrace new relationships, new teams; for HE has gone through such pain of meeting new friends along his missionary journeys, yet leaving each time his task was completed.

But his old friends stayed behind him

all the way, until calvary

until his resurrection

WOW

I hope to see you at my funeral too

It’ll be so heartwarming:)

well, when reality hits, there is nothing much we can do except to still feed ourselves well so that we have enough energy to fight new battles:) green tea, latte is my new favourite!

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17 Feb 2010

The first working day after Chinese New Year holidays ended.

With a spiritual state of ‘reflection’, ‘lost’ (again?), I spent half of the day wandering who I was, who my friends were, are, and who my family is, and

WHO GOD WAS

GOD IS

GOD (JESUS) WAS AND IS THE SAME YESTERDAY AND TODAY

Re-reading the daily devotionals in thoughts about God refreshed my spiritually dried up heart. Looks like Satan did a great job recently:(

But, I’m not giving up.

The 2nd and 3rd day of Chinese New Year were spent mostly alone; and at the airport simply because I could not manage to find anyone to spend time with.

Anyway,

I always believe that friends care, but are not in the same way that I am pursuing, and more often than not, especially during festive seasons, I have no compelling reason to ask them to give me a minute….

Actually,

I just need a minute of your time.

Arghhhh…..somehow such deep feelings of being neglected, forgotten and alone aroused my inner desires to remember that….

I, am afterall a woman.

(and someone said woman needs man…?)

HAHA.

I have forgotten this totally.

In my past, there were no men, except my work experiences where there were a few male bosses who somehow became strong replacements of the father I never had.

father, mentor, brother(s)….

this reminds me of the 2 old friends missed for 839 days…

Will they still be around in my future?

Painfully yet meaningfully (pain brings us to face life), I spent half of my 20s trying to find a purpose in my life -

1. Community worker? dreams….
2. Marketing specialist (in events?)
3. Good friend to everyone in my life (how can this be?)
4. Good daughter- how good is ‘good’? – I struggle to even stay at home and spend time with my mom
5. Good and faithful disciple who brings many souls to Christ -

and somehow, I suddenly realise that had I really followed God’s wisdom and advice, I would have known the meaning of my life in a different angle….and perhaps this could be the real meaning of being a woman:

As a woman, she should be a dutiful and submissive wife who cares for her children and raise them to be useful men and women who then further contribute to the country, and build a new generation who will prosper on, and on…

HUH?

Oh my.

Honestly, I have forgotten I am a woman.

For I have many aspirations related to career and dreams, and NONE relating to going out on dates.

But actually I have always asked male friends out too.

And I have pursued these, out of more selfish reasons, than for altruistic ones; so, it is time to believe that I can still be a woman who has dreams

but also am caring to the people around her

No matter how tough it has been; in work, especially of the entire year of being alone managing a team of young people, I am totally grateful for the chance to give these few youngsters a chance.

Shedding off my armor of ‘Let’s get moving, team’, I am glad to be myself once again.

**************************************************************************

My laptop feels heavy again; as I carry it to and fro daily. It somewhat reminds me of how Justin carried his from his home to the old 3dsense@paradiz and grumbled of the weight at times.

God has allowed me to experience almost everything he shared of his struggles back in that 1 year.

I wonder if he is still using that ugly brown laptop bag he bought in the later part of 2007….

Arghh…..I really, am a woman afterall.

I do feel tired, wearing my armor at times; and it was Justin who told me to put it down when I could.

HAHA.

For I remember everything significant good friends spoke of before.

And I am still the same; even as you forget mine, I’ll remember yours.

I remember you.

As God did.

I miss, Sen when I saw a sign board bearing the name of SEN, in JB on the first day of CNY.

SEN.

Wow.

what....an unfeminine photo shot. at 31, single, unable to appreciate most men, I am pretty sure singlehood is going to be for life; it can be exciting knowing that I can have freedom to help more people as I grow wiser, and financially more stronger.

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IT”S HERE!

the best mother.....not exactly the closest pair of mother and daughter, BUT I am really glad to have her as my mom for she allowed us the choice to take (between being Good or Bad), to learn for ourselves what life means- never having enough love from her own parents since young, my mom, is the most tenacious woman around; she shall be one of the driving forces for me to get out of bed daily to bring home a better pay, for I wish to buy her a nicer home to live in by 35 - THANK YOU MOM! Thank you that you dun mind me being single for e rest of my life! Argh...Ha:)

Finally, 13 02 10 is here.

It is Chinese New Year’s eve, and my 31st Birthday!

13 02 1999 was my first birthday with HIM. I was 21 then.

13 02 2010 is my 10th birthday with HIM. I am now 31.

31.

What should a 31 be do-ing?

At 21, I was idealistic and sworn to myself that I would pursue a life that is ‘more than this provincial life’

(Belle- Beauty & the Beast – Heronines, Adventures, Save the world-)

At 31 now, weathered through gains and losses in friendships, family kinships, loved ones, money, health, and ‘Youth’

I am unsure what these next 10 years down the road encompasses

But I am very certain that I will still be using every birthday and Chinese New Year to miss some friends who have left an imprint in my heart

Unknowingly, I have spent 3 Chinese New Years, and last 3 birthdays to miss 3d-sense and her team at the Changi Airport.

2008, I sat at Terminal 3.

2009, I sat at the same seat at Terminal 3.

and 2010, I stood at a different location, praying for her.

While the future lies somewhat fearful for me, at this stage in life and career especially, I am certain that God will continue to use my memories with 3dsense to bring me out of every shadow of fear.

For every weekend spent with Jesus at the airport had been fruitful and meaningful; as I see how every little prayer for her seem to come true. My heart ached along when she had to move constantly, and it was during these 2 years that I truly understood the meaning of ’sacrificing for a passion and dream’

this lives on in her founders

and today is the first day of CNY

as my bro drove past NTU to and fro JB to grandma’s place; I can’t help but think about Sen and his wife, Justin and his brother

and 3dsense and her team

*Dear Bro, I miss you a lot on CNY; for I still never had the chance to pay you and SY a visit personally, at your new house. You spoke of your concerns about setting up a new home then, and I prayed for you hard too. I’m happy to see you and the school continuing to perservere and even building up another sister school.

Unknown to you, this process of the school’s growth these 3 years taught me that dreams really do come true; if you believe in it all the way, and be remembered of the part about enduring sacrifices along the way.

Though I was not around to understand your challenges, somehow, I could imagine the long hours of building the new website that caused strains in your eyesight in front of the computer,

and this makes me even wana continue fighting behind you, for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, I envy you for you really really have a great team.

And I do wish to tell you that in my last 3 years of being out on my own; different angels have come in, and also taught me many new things, and deepen my learning curve in work, and in life.

Firmly, every struggle which you, and justin have gone through before are now personable to me too; for I gone through every bit of these in 08- 09’s work situations.

I hope that one day, before God calls

I can simply pay you a visit, with a pot of tea, to thank you

Thank you,

for being a dearly-missed brother who have changed part of my life

I miss you, every of my birthday too,

and I wish to dedicate one wish to you this year

that both your efforts for this little school will advance to have her own campus; and a brand that speaks for herself so clear, so refined, so meaningful

for you told me once how you felt this is part of changing the world too

a media school, that seeks to change the world

Yeah.

I wish you all the best for the new year ahead*

Don’t ask me why

I just keep missing my ex bosses a lot a lot

for

they mean so much to me

like a family

and I just wana support them with the same tenacious spirit that Justin spoke so much of

Tenacity.
I believe God (and Disney magic) will lead me to an organisation with a mission, and a role which only I can do a great job in.

Not wanting to place my security in any tangible object but only God (and Disney magic) now, I will start all over again; and continue to find her, him and it.

And I will find it one day.

*For I have learnt to be contented in any and every situation, be it poor or rich; for God alone is enough*

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Besides being 'not bothered, less reserved, less quiet, less obedient' in 08-09, I've learnt to eat really more food; and 1/3 of my salary actually goes to food! I love good pasta when I'm alone. Comfort food is not just bread anymore:) but bread will always give me that extra strength to love and walk forward....Find you, for Pasta soon!

這一秒不再害怕會失去
心底早己默許　愛有著這根據

漆黑裏你讓我找到了光線
走失了　寧願伸手去牽
你早己在此愛我沒停止
你早己付出　即使我未知
你己在我身邊

＊This is the greatest love
無可隔阻　每當你觸碰我
長夜也劃破
This is the greatest love
如幸福早交給我　這世上再沒人可
像你這般愛我＊

找到了滲入我心的溫暖
方知道存在的意思
你早己在此　這愛沒瑕疵
你經己付出　即使我未知
這愛沒有終止

Today is the last day of Jan 2010.

The first month of 2010 is over, just like this.

Are you feeling regretful over mistakes made over the last 4 weeks?

I am not.

Thank God.

Finally, it’s sunday again.

I love sundays spending afternoons at the airport; hearing HIS word via online sermons, and praying to Him in that big field, where my eyes can’t take it off the big blue sky filled with cosy clouds.

Cosy clouds.

Yes.

It was these clouds, and sunsets in the airport which accompanied me through the lonely and lost days through 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009.

The message heard loud and clear at airport has always been:

只要堅持下去,哪怕在冰天雪地裏也會開出美麗的花朵

Amen.

Having gone through 2008 that was filled with a tinge of lingering regrets, sadness, and huge sense of loss; thus choosing rebelion and actions of ‘I can’t be bothered’ , and given a huge dose of undeserving 2nd, 3rd, 4th…chances in 2009 to make up for lost time, and rebuild my own competency at work.

Sitting here, now into 2nd month of 2010, I feel a strong sense of returning to where I most belonged to.

I have always been very different from most women of my age, and I often have difficulties relating to how normal women feel, in terms of relationships, family, work life, attitudes and perspectives towards people, money and material comfort.

I used the last 2 years to indulge in a slightly more self-focused lifestyle, yet often eager to be part of your life to give you strength, hope and purpose.

For I really really do have a very real relationship with God whom I talk to every night before I sleep. Instead of sleeping pills, in times of insomia, I pray.

Instead of indulging in retail therapy, in terms of stress and disappointments, I walk away, and pray, and spend long hours at the airport.

Ready to leave the shell, and tentative armor of  ‘I am a very capable independent career focused woman’, I am feeling exitced about my new gain perspective of who I really wana be.

Honestly, I just want to be a humourous single woman, who uses unconventional ways to solve work problems, and dress uncool to the fashion’s sense (comfort; is all I care about).

And I just want to continue finding the organisation whose mission and goals aligned with mine; and whose founders appreciate my skills sets and attitudes in work.life.dreams.

Who says a manager cannot indulge in the world of cartoons and fantasies?

I used to believe that everyone is kind, and everyone is to be treated with love, and in cases of conflicts, I should look within myself to check if I am wrong.

And I still believe so.

No need to be number 1.

I can leave the majority to fight to claim the financial/commercial world’s number 1; yet underlying filled with stress and unhappiness

and go away to build my empire of Giving.Receiving.Sharing.

No doubt it is so true that only the rich, influential can become great philanthrophists, but how about someone like me who aspires to manage the wealth of these people to help them build even greater empires to help the less fortunate.

ta ta!

My dream was to be a fundraiser.

My dream is still the same, but in a different name-

Call me a Wealth Manager (for 3rd world).

I am calling Gabriel Yap soon; for I heard he intend to withdraw from the financial world to be a philanthropist.

Partnerships.

People.

Processes.

These are what I am capable of doing.

And God says AMEN.

(And Walt Disney says ‘When you wish upon a star, dreams come true ‘ – visit Disneyland again! -)

HAHAHA.

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Hmm, maybe like the movie, 'Love in a diet', we'll meet again at Tokyo Tower.....Ha Ha Ha.

Sammi Cheng, is my favorite female Hong Kong singer.

I listened to her songs since TKGS.

He listened to her songs since TKSS.

He is a friend I missed for the last 2.5 years.

I wish to remind him to support Sammi forever

I wish to remind him to walk with the LORD with more faith

and this article is for this friend.mentor.brother

For Justin.

不要惊动爱情

很想轻抚你 所以避开�
宁愿用距离 去令你好奇
回避过眼神 先偷偷喘气
吩咐手臂 放在原地
传闻浪漫太快 爱恋都走得快
才会 迟迟未步向你 说一世爱护你

Chorus I
情太过汹涌像深海 而我却会忍耐
但求来日你醒过来
这份情像翅膀打开
还没有相拥别意外 神教会我等待
待情流像细水 才去承诺�
拿一生兑换爱

Verse II
很心急拥抱 所以在祷告
求甜蜜以前 带著你慢步
游历过旅途 等一天终老
生老病死 一起细数
原来慢慢靠近 更珍惜这一吻
而我 停留是为了你 要给予你护荫

Chorus II
能为爱恋学习按捺 情信寄进心内
但求能学会倚靠神
爱被驯服过更精采
连地老天荒亦不更改 时间永远等待
等你情愿那天 才去承诺�
无止境那份爱
我用沈默叫醒爱情 你用期待做你反应
继续行近直至开始爱

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